Eric G. Wiley

...is a question frequently and unexpectedly blurted out in this region. I haven't come up with a canned answer to it yet, because my brain reflexively puzzles over it each time this question is asked. Are they saying:

• It has been universally agreed that it is bitterly cold out, but I want to know if you're some weirdo who actually likes it. I'm watching you closely to see how you answer.


• I would like to have a conversation with you. Let's start out with something obvious and then work our way into more engaging topics.


• If you had the power to control the outside temperature would you turn it up, down or keep it the same?


• Are you a real man or some big shivering Nancy?


• I want to have sex with you.

I can't think of a better response to this four-word nuisance than simply saying "Yes". However, the brevity of that one-word answer would be construed by most Ohioans as a curt response. Being an Ohioan myself, I wish very much to avoid being viewed by my peers as rude, so I try to lubricate my answer with a laugh: "Ha ha ha yes."

So every time someone asks if it's "...cold enough for ya" I sacrifice my dignity and look like a retard for one whole second. After the exchange, as we walk away in opposite directions, I feel bad for us both.