Even when pared down to a small news byte, the story brought an amusing image to my mind. Fortunately for Lisa Marie Nowak, the astronaut accused of attempting to kidnap her romantic rival, the condensed version is all the public is hearing right now in the media. Unfortunately for her, that won't last. With all the details the actual event contains, this story is going to be huge by this evening.
Did you know that all astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry? Thanks to Lisa Marie, you know it now.
The Launch
When she decided to confront her rival at the Orlando Airport, she made it her critical mission. The one-woman crew donned a wig, trench coat and diaper (not necessarily in that order), armed herself with a BB gun, packed a payload of murder-kit tools and commenced lift-off in her car from Houston to a successful touch down in Orlando. I think she really had her act together up to this point.
Docking with the Target
This stage of the mission is where things began to break down. Lisa Marie successfully orbited around her target all the way to the parking garage but botched the approach. The target saw her, so she was forced to drop her cloaking device and engage. She hailed the target and asked for a ride, and when her target refused Lisa Marie performed a difficult mace insertion into the cockpit through a partially opened driver's side window. The target took evasive maneuvers and escaped. Lisa Marie then suffered a total thruster failure and was arrested soon after.
Contingency Plan
Calls for help to Central Command back in Houston went unanswered as, understandably, her husband was angry with her. Looks like she'll remain airlocked in Orlando until her attorney can assemble a rescue mission.
Good luck, Mission Specialist Lisa Marie Nowak, and Godspeed.
Comments
Not sure if wearing diapers and taking a crap in your pants is really going to save you any time at all considering you have to eventually go to the restroom to change your diaper and then wipe. But, it's great entertainment fodder nonetheless. Leno, Stewart, Letterman and Conan will have a field day.
Posted by: Stan W. | February 6, 2007 02:53 PM