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- 1. Fresh Meat
- If you don't know someone who can convert a currently live animal [cow, deer, lamb, pig] into a freezer-full of meat in your basement within 24 hours [subdivided into two lb. packages wrapped in white butcher paper and labeled with a grease pen], then you know someone who knows someone who can do it. Every Ohioan enjoys a maximum of two degrees of separation from a side of beef.
- 2. Fresh Water
- The entire southwest portion of our fine country is a desert kept artificially green with water piped in from other states. Some day the repressed cacti will rebel and take back their dry land. Won't you be glad you live in Ohio when they do?
- 3. Hugs
- Generous dual arm enclosure body locks. Whether coming or going, prepare to be hugged and hugged well. If you're a shy person visiting a home in Ohio, keep a table or some other piece of furniture between you and your hosts. As opposed to the "Bridge" style where both parties arch the back to ensure that the only things touching are hands-to-shoulders [this style hug is rarely seen in Ohio].
- 4. Comfort Casseroles
- Crispy on top, hot & tasty below! Not hip, but your stomach won't care.
- 5. Natural-Disaster Proof
- Even at her meanest and most vicious, Mother Nature can never take down more than five of us at once.
- 6. Square Feet
- Ohioans enjoy kingly amounts of living space. None but the wealthiest of our contemporaries in New York has a den, game room, sewing room and Florida room.
- 7. Spare Parts
- Oceans of inexpensive replacement car parts within a five mile radius. No matter what year your car was made.
- 8. Sauerkraut
- Our German pioneers left their mark one each of our colons with this once per year treat. The perfect combination of stunt-food and comfort-food.
- 9. Farmers
- This state is full of businessmen who somehow make a living selling us five-gallon-bags of delicious sweet corn for a buck.
- 10. FEST
- Even the most introverted of us can easily make a friend by going to one of the hundreds of Fests held in this fine state. Oktoberfest, Italian Fest, Irish Fest, Pumpkin Fest, Coal Fest, Catholic Church Parking Lot Fest - Ohio is the capitol of the beer drinking, grilled food eating, live music enjoying FEST!